War Against AntiS
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: Dedicated to what happened on ffnt with the spammers. Going on hiatus until December 32nd or until some other jerk pops up.
1. Chapter 1

The Story of Spammers

_This is in one person POV. My form of flames. _

* * *

(Day One)

It was a regular day in Sinnoh. For once, I had joined Ash and and his group on the way to one of their regular gyms, because I wanted to get away from the mocking by spammers in Kanto. For some reason, the retarded company of Spammers Inc wanted to be total assholes and mock decently good fanfics because they were jealous.

So, a few weeks ago, Dawn had suggested that I join them. Reluctant (not to mentioned pissed), I came to the trio in Veilstone City. After I had beaten up Paul and Todd into bloody pulps, we went into another uncharted area.

Before anything, let me tell the audience about myself. I have brown hair and brown eyes. I'm a Pisces, and I read manga. For five months, I worked at the Kanto branch of Poke-TMZ, finally ending our telethon program about a while ago. And yeah, I may have pwned a whole bunch of gym leaders, but nobody that I knew really liked them, anyway.

Anyway, we were walking over a bridge, when a fat guy blocked our path. He was wearing dorky glasses, had a bunch of acne, and had drool coming out of his mouth. Ash gasped. " Who's that pokemon ?! "

Clueless. I've watched the anime for a couple of years, and even before that. I wished that Ash would mature, but obviously he wouldn't, thanks to the screenwriters. That's why I would rather date Gary. But back to the noob.

Dawn rolled her eyes. " You're so silly, Ash. _That's_ not a pokemon._ That's_ a spammer ! "

I gasped. Was it really true ? Did spammers _really_ invade Sinnoh ? I rushed to Dawn and began to shake her. " Dawn, say it isn't so ! Are there really spammers in Sinnoh ?! "

" Yeah. "

Brock scratched his head. " Um, Axletia ? What are spammers ? "

Brock's voice took me out of my reveries. " Oh. They are real jerks that mock people's titles and simply spam them. I thought Giovanni is a douchebag, but these guys take the cake and leave no crumb behind ! "

The spammer used a device and spammed some grass. I burnt up, like a burnt lobster on a blazing summer's day. I grabbed a pokeball from my black belt, releasing a Vaporeon. " Athena, go and hydro pump that spammer ! " I cried.

Athena did as she was told and blasted the spammer. It didn't work, though, and the spammer charged into her, sending her fifteen feet into a tree. I was utterly mortified, and called Athena back. My next pokemon was an Umbreon, who I had named Pluto. " Pluto, use bite ! "

Pluto did, but it was no use. The spammer knocked him senseless. I was horrified. Even though these things were loser retards, they were powerful, as they were saying every name from the book in all language to try and kill us. But, as us decent people knew, spammers only do two things to a writer. One, they knock off our self-esteem. And two, they piss us off, which was in my case.

So, Ash , being the naive idiot he is, tried to feed the spammer. Me, being enraged with fury, tazed him and pummeled the stupidhead. Brock and Dawn slowly backed away. The spammer crept closer, and I kicked him into unconsciousness.

* * *

(Day Two)

The sun shone brightly over our tent. Ash was snoring. I took off my green pajamas and put on a green tanktop, jean shorts, and black flip - flops. I put my hair in a ponytail and stepped outside. Burmy stalked the place, but I was definitely not in the mood to take my time exterminating some bugs. I kicked one and crept up close to a stone. Dawn was sitting on it, holding her Piplup. For the first time in quite a few days, I grinned. " Mornin' , Dawn. "

She turned and looked at me with her blue eyes. " Hey, Axletia. How you feeling ? " she asked.

I gave a sigh. " Pretty crappy, to tell you the truth. Why must people attack a perfectly decent place ? "

" Jealously. They probably live in a one-sided box or something like that. "

I gave a giggle. " Yeah. And they probably use the computer at the library to type their useless stories. "

We both laughed at that. For a few months, I had grown close to Dawn, and we became best friends. Sure, Zoey was a little ticked off, but she didn't mind. And it didn't matter if Ash and Brock were with us, we'd stick together like peas and carrots.

But suddenly, not one, but two spammers came popping out of nowhere. I twitched. " Dawn... grab me my battle axe. "

" But, Axletia, it's only nine o'clock in the morning ! "

_**" GET ME MY BATTLE AXE ! "**_

She did what she was told and handed me my battle axe. " We meet again, spammers. What the hell do you want ?! " I screeched.

The spammers only cursed and flipped off. Obviously, neither one was too smart. I chopped their heads off, thinking they would plop over, dead. Instead, they grew their heads and continued to spam.

By then, Ash and Brock had gotten up. Ash commanded Pikachu to thunderbolt the spammers, but not even the cliched attack did not affect them. They just ran away.

I was speechless. Two days in a row. The nerve ! Dawn had to pull me back from chopping off Brock's head in anger. Thank Mew.

To get off our minds from the evil Billys, we went to a restaurant. Not a fancy one - just a Long John Silvers. A fish place. Brock ordered some chicken planks. Ash ordered himself the combo meal. Dawn had some fish. And I had two orders of shrimp and three root beers.

Ash sweatdropped. " Wow, Axletia. You're eating more than I am ! You must be really ticked off about those spammers ! "

" Yeah, I am, Ash. Don't rub it in, either. "

Suddenly, spammers came crashing through our windows, this time, three of them. I pounded my fists on the table. " Damn you, spammers ! Can't you bastards see that I'm trying to eat ?! "

They did the unthinkable. They stole our food.

At that point and time, I declared war on the spammers. There was no turning back. There had to be something done about them.

End

_Like I said, this does mean war. If you are against what is happening to ffnt, please review ! I will show those jerks that spamming does not belong here ! And I will keep this story on until our fellow jack-asses get banned, get thrown in a pit, and f--ing die. _


	2. Chapter 2

The Story of Spammers

Day Three :

It was a new day today. Nobody except Athena had even attempted to get within ten feet of me since yesterday. I was still pissed off. How dare those spammers spam everything and snatch my food away from me ! Those fat bastards - they would _pay._

Something good happened yesterday, though. I got support. From a guy, but that's all you need to know. I was a bit joyed by that other people hated spammers as much as I do.

So here is how this day went. Ash, Brock, Dawn, and I went to a farm. It was filled Budew, Roselia, and Roserade. Sure, it may have been a cornpatch, but the farmer , Valerie, was a grass type user, and besides, it felt like home (well, not really.) She was a tall girl of eighteen, with fiery red hair in two braids. She had freckles and dull green eyes. She was more close to Brock's age, so of course Brock started to flirt with her. Fortunately, Croagunk poison jabbed him good. " So, can ya'll help me with plantin' my crops ? " Valerie asked in a Southern drawl.

Ash nodded. " Sure, Val ! "

" No problem, my beauty ! " Brock added.

So we started planting tomatoes and turnips in the dirt. I never really liked tomatoes nor turnips, but tomatoes make a freaking good V8, so I couldn't complain. Dawn was acting goofy, throwing some of her seeds at Ash. She didn't mean it in a romantic way - she liked someone else, and Ash liked Misty - but they acted more like brother and sister. It makes sense, considering neither one of them has any siblings.

Another bright sunny day ; this time it was scorching hot, though. Athena came out of her pokeball, spraying us very lightly with bubble. At times, she was like a sprinkler, I swear. Things were going good until...

_**-SPAMMED ! -**_

I twitched. The three jackasses, known as spammers, came back ! Steam practically came out of my ears (and my nose, but that was more snot , since I had a cold at the time). I allowed Lani to come out, which was a Poochyena. " Bite ! " I shouted.

Lani didn't do too much effect, but she did make a hole in one of the spammers' pants. And while that part was indeed a bit humorous, the spammers also ran away. I ran into a different direction. Dawn called, " Axletia ! Where are you going ? "

I stopped dead in my tracks. " I'm going to report these guys to the admins ! "

" What about Athena, though ? "

Oops. I didn't think that I was leaving Vaporeon behind. I gave a nervous chuckle and called Athena back.

And I was on the way to reporting the spammers.

* * *

Day Four :

It took me a while, but I emailed the admins. I knew I wasn't the only one ; many other people that were sick and tired of these people had reported them, too. That would show those idiots to spam one of my well - liked stories and to steal my meal.

I was all alone. I had left the trio because I had more important things to do than stay for about twenty episodes until Ash finally received his fourth badge. So, once again I was eating lunch. It was part of many people's plans, so I decided to join the group.

As I had anticipated, the three spammers came crashing through, facing me, but this time, I was not afraid. I softly called back Athena and Pluto, and stared all three of them in the eye.

They started to spam everything. Windows, fanfics - my lunch. I didn't do a thing to stop them.

Suddenly, the most powerful force of Sinnoh (and ffnt) appeared - the administrators. And they were a fine looking bunch - well-kept hair, business suits.There were several dozen of these glorious people , and each one had a laptop in their hands. A press of the button, and the spammers poofed, blocked out of existence and dubbed inactive.

I jumped with joy. The spammers were gone ! And so was their spammed story of my fanfic.

I rushed to the admins, bowing to them. " Thank you, Administrators. Those guys were a real pain in the ass. "

They gave a nod. " Don't worry, Miss Rosonetis. No spammers does their damage without harm. "

In an instant, the spammers disappeared, and I petted Athena. " Don't worry, Athena. Those motherf--ers are gone.

* * *

Epilogue? :

Todd came rushing to me. " Axletia ! Where the hell were you ?! "

I punched him. " None of your gotdamn business ! " I hissed.

" Okay. So... are we back to normal ? "

_TAZE !_

Todd scurried away as fast as he could on his wheelchair. I gave a small smile. The spammers were gone, but for how long ? Surely they couldn't be gone forever. Surely they would come back.

So, to end, this could never be an epilogue. New and old spammers would come back. They could spam anyone, even me. We cannot stop them alone, but together, we would be strong. There would always be a war against spammers.

To conclude this fanfic, I'd like to say thanks to the admins, for getting rid of the spammers, or in real life, the Barney Bunch.

Thank you and ending this fanfic,

Axletia Rosonetis - fanfic writer

End

_Remember that spammers can hurt anyone, so heed my warning. Next time you see a spammer, ignore them, don't give them any reviews, block them, and send reports to the admins. This is the advice from a writer who was spammed. _


	3. Chapter 3

The Story of Spammers

_We have another spammer. Great. More assholes. _

* * *

- One Day Later ; Recap - The War Goes On !

Remember what I said about not ending this story with an epilogue ? Well, I'm glad I didn't. Another possible spammer was back in Sinnoh and ffnt.

It was a day later, after I had gotten back to the studio. Only, this one wasn't out to get me. It was out to get someone else. One of our fellow warriors was mocked by a Barney. In a review he sent out, he posted the way to get unbanned.

So, what did I feel ? PURE ANGER ! I immediately went off from working and back on the road. Earlier, I told Maylene on the phone that we should mock the spammers ourselves, make them feel like a piece of sh-t.

And so, guess what I faced when I was walking down the road ?

Our fellow dumb - ass spammer.

It was bad enough that all of us warriors had spent four f--ing days getting rid of the three stupid spammers. Now another idiot.

I threw a rock at him. " Why the f-- are you back, Barney ?! "

The spammer just flipped me off and stuck his tongue out at me.

There is one thing you need to know about me. Nobody _EVER_ sticks their tongue out at me. It is pure insult. It is just like if somebody took a dump on you and didn't say anything.

I knew I couldn't report him to the admins, because he hadn't spammed anything (yet). But soon he would try to destroy our country of Sinnoh.

And we writers would be ready.

"_** DREW PICKLES F--S EVERYONE !**_ " the spammer exclaimed. " **_AND S--TS IN EVERYONE'S_** _**MOUTHS ! "**_

That pissed me off. I've been spammed before, and some other people, too. Now he spammed somebody else's good name. And not even Arceus could help us.

But instead of chopping off the Barney's head with my battle axe, I ran. I was in Jubilife City at the time. I grabbed a pokeball with a Salamence inside and flew to Oreburgh City.

* * *

I pounded on the gym door. Roark opened up, fiddling with his glasses. He was a man of twenty, with spiky dark red hair. a red coal miner's hat, a black t - shirt, and a gray shirt over that with yellow and black bands on them. He had the same layout for his pants - gray, with yellow - and black boots. Also, he was wearing gloves.

Obviously, though, he was taking a nap, because he gave a long yawn. " Axletia ? What's up ? You already have your Coal Badge, so what do you want ? " he asked.

I cleared my throat. " Roark, are you aware of the spammers that had been in Sinnoh for the past four days ? "

He nodded. " Yeah. The Barney Bunch. I thought they were banned from the admins, though. "

I sighed. " Well, they're not gone yet. We have another spammer. "

" Those bastards. You know that I'm in full support and will join you. "

I gasped. " Really ? "

" Sure. Our age difference may be bad, but we have our common goals to bring us together. And the number one goal is spammers. "

I grinned and did an anime pose. " Good ! We'll show those dumb retarded s--theads that Sinnoh and ffnt will not be taken as a joke ! "

" Uh, Axletia ? Do you mind getting off of me ? "

I got out of the pose and saw I was sitting on Roark. I'm such an airhead sometimes, but that was caused by caffeine, and I did have a couple of Pepsies before I made the journey to Roark's. I muttered an apology. " Sorry. "

And so we went on the road to restop the spammers.

_Dedicated to LateralGanon. The hunt goes on. -Will accept torture methods, OCs, and anything else to get rid of the spammers. _


	4. Chapter 4

The Story of Spammers

_Still going. Will avenge all who have been spammed. _

* * *

Day 6 - (Day 2 of Recap)

Technically it's been only six days, and while the spammer had not made any spam yet, I was still on my toes.

My day began in a tent (again). Roark had somehow made a tent with coal and sticks. What a genius. I think he was the smartest gym leader in the Sinnoh league, sadly.

But Nerdy wasn't the one who woke me up at six in the morning. It was big, red, and yellow eyes with a dinosaur tail.

Groudon.

_**WHACK ! PUNCH ! SLAP ! TAZE !**_

_**" HEY, WHAT THE F-- ARE YOU DOING ?!**_ " it cried.

" Uh, did you just talk ? " I asked, whimpering.

" Yeah. Just call me GoldenEye, okay ? "

" 'Kay... I thought you were invisible, though. "

" You squashed another Missingno, didn't you ? "

" Yeah. "

* * *

After an apology, a breakfast, and an explanation (for Roark), we set off on the road again. It was a really rainy day, which sucks. I hate rainy days, but love the aftersmell of grass. Roark was having a chat with GoldenEye.

" So... GoldenEye...are you really a fire legendary ? " he inquired.

GoldenEye grinned. " Sure I am. Let me make you a pit of lava for you !"

I raised a hand. " Wait, GoldenEye ! _Dooooooon't ! _"

Too late. GoldenEye had made a twenty foot pit filled with lava and hot stones. Then,of course, our number one " favorite type of person " came stumbling in with drool on his face.

The spammer.

GoldenEye immediately coughed up a Fire Blast in front of the spammer. It twitched and made a horrible coughing noise, but it was still standing, weakened.

Finally it Dawned on me. Literally. Dawn came falling on top of me, grinning. " Need help with the spammer ? " she asked.

I nodded. Dawn grabbed one of her pokeballs and released a Ponyta. I guessed she had captured it after I left, so I just let her do whatever the hell she wanted with the spammer.

Together, GoldenEye and Ponyta fried the spammer's behind with a pwning Fire Blast. The spammer screeeched and fell into the Pit of Lava. The four of us sighed in relief, but unfortunately the spammer divided into two retards. All of us had one thing in common : O.o

Roark turned to me. " Uh, what now ? "

I gulped. "..._**RUN LIKE HEEEEEEEEEELL ! "**_

Dawn nodded. " Good choice of action. "

All of us started running except GoldenEye, who punched the spammers in the face. " Nice, " he muttered.

I went back and slapped him in the face. " Come on ! "

I shoved him ahead and continued to run. We needed to formulate a plan to get rid of the spammers. But, before that...

* * *

" Axletia ? Why are we at Taco Bell again ? " GoldenEye asked. " I mean, not to rush you, but I need to reinvisible myself. "

I looked him right in his golden eyes. " What, you don't expect us to figure out a plan without feeding ourselves first, do you ? "

The Groudon's jaw dropped. So did Dawn's. Roark, on the other hand, grinned. " Okay, can I have three coal burritoes then with some nachoes ? "

-.- " Roark, there are _no_ coal burritoes ! "

He shook his head. " Yes, there are. It's on their menu. "

Sure enough, as I read the menu, I saw Coal Burrito as their special of the month. I facefaulted. Maybe next time I should pack my own food instead of accepting money from Professors Oak and GrayBeard (coughs : I mean Rowan).

End

_-sighs- Roark is an idiot. And I thought he was smart. Still accepting OCs. _


	5. Chapter 5

The Story of Spammers

* * *

Day Seven :

Wow. To think that I had been fighting a war for a week already really surprised me. The four of us - Dawn, GoldenEye, Roark, and me - had some sandwiches. And more people came in our support.

It all began around after lunch. A flamin' dragon blocked our path. After me poking it for half an hour and GoldenEye almost crushing it, we found out it was none other than ShadowKing.

Next up was my good ol' friend Kat. I didn't know why she was in Sinnoh, but she said something about hunting our buddy Jim with her pokemon so he can have two fractured knees this time (poor Jim...) Meh.

Third off was a female shiny Luxray called Chaos. And believe me, her name suited her well. (I'm still crisped by her thunderbolt.)

Last off was a female Darkrai. I called her Darky - Rai, because it was her name. Besides, I love Darkrai. All powerful and junk. (Plus I met an emo Darkrai once, but he was a jack - ass that was smoking something with Regigas.)

So here we were - four regular humans and four regular pokemon. (Let's just say that ShadowKing is a Salamence, 'cause I never was sure whether a dragon was a pokemon or a reptile. )

Food, of course, was a bit of a difficult issue. It is never easy splitting up coal burritoes and sandwiches between eight, especially if three of them are over one thousand pounds. And especially if GoldenEye and Darky-Rai were fighting over a very unimportant issue.

" Why won't you admit that you like Kyogre ?! " Darky-Rai demanded.

_**" BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE HER ! "**_ GoldenEye roared, stomping on the ground.

The stomp almost made Kat fall over. She got pissed off and threw a stone back at him.

Then Roark started to bawl his eyes out. Most of the time, his crying like a whiny four year old did nothing, but for once, it brought all of us together. The seven of us all got pissed off, and we all shunned Roark, throwing stones, pencils, and math books at him. Of course, it always gives concussions, but we really didn't care about the side effects. We just wanted to shut him up.

* * *

After that we were on our way to Eterna City (don't know why , because Gardenia is such a ditz), when suddenly, somebody pops out of nowhere. It wasn't a spammer ; it was a guy with black hair and green eyes wearing a red shirt and jeans. He also had a Blaze Rover and a Big Bang Buster. I knew he was on our side right away.

GoldenEye and ShadowKing, on the other hand...

_**FIRE BLAST !!**_

It hit the guy so he came crashing through three trees. Kat took a picture of the scene. Dawn, not doing anything important until now, ran over to him. " Dude, are you okay ? "

He nodded. " Hi. I'm Blaze. "

Dawn grinned. " Good. 'Cause I have to go now. Ash is probably getting his hand stuck in a pickle jar again. "

In an instant, Dawn was no longer with us. I swear, she was like a pop - up block - always coming and going. Those people were really annoying, and I could ramble on about them, too, but that is another story.

And Roark...I think he did suicide. Said something about Candice dumping him for Volkner, which is good, because she deserved a far nicer guy than Roark, who acted like he was a PMSing Celebi all the time. (Or I shot him. Whichever came first, the point is, Roark was now dead)

* * *

Now down to seven. We were yet again walking towards Eterna City when the Barneys of the writers came stumbling in our paths. The spammers.Immediately Blaze started shooting and burning the spammers with ease. GoldenEye and ShadowKing started to Fire Blast them. Kat was throwing rocks at them. Darky-rai had somehow scarred one of the spammer with an emo stare that Paul had patented only three months earlier. Chaos pwned them with thunderbolt.

And me ?

I was hurting the spamming retards badly with my tazer, MSG bottle, the chainsaw, and the mallet.

So everything went well.

Until Officer Jenny was one mile from us.

The spammers immediately ran away. We all sweatdropped, since there was at least one thousand dollars' worth of damage with the trees, shrubs, (and a few houses).

Chaos nudged me. " Yo, Axletia. What do we do about the cops ? "

I shrugged. " I dunno. "

Kat's jaw dropped. " We're running again, aren't we ? "

" Yeah, Kat. We are. "

Blaze gestured to his Big Bang Buster. " Uh, what do I do about this ? It still has one more good aim. "

ShadowKing raised his claw. " Aim it at somethin', then ! "

So he did. Far away. (Crippling Professor Rowan XD)

And we ran like hell for about a few hours, until we finally went to camp out two miles right outside of Eterna City.

End


	6. Chapter 6

The Story of Spammers

Day Eight :

Spam.

That is practically all we saw when we entered Eterna City. There were signs with _**" DREW PICKLES F--S EVERYONE AND EATS THEIR POOPY!"**_ everywhere. Once again, we had gained a new ally - SilverUmbra, who was an Umbreon with silver rings. Pluto, of course, was crushing on her, but I pulled him back, as he already had a girlfriend. We had eight now - three humans and five pokemon. Why did that not surprise me ?

There was something that surprised me, however. A blond haired girl was crying, sitting against one of the walls in the Eterna City Gym. Gardenia came out, looking like a pissed off Cresselia. She did not look like her cheery self at all. She was yelling at the girl. GoldenEye, who had made himself invisible, nudged me. " What's wrong with her, Axletia ? "

" How the hell should I know ?! " I snapped. " We just _got_ here ! "

GoldenEye backed off, causing a small earthquake. ShadowKing snickered. Chaos,SilverUmbra, and Darky-rai rolled their eyes. Kat giggled, and I think Blaze was bouncing a basketball against the wall _(I dunno_).

I went up to Gardenia. " Hey, Gardenia ? Any reason why you're acting like a bitch today ? "

She stopped yelling and nodded. " Uh, yeah. This girl has been crying since ten in the morning. She says she got spammed. "

I did an anime pose. " Don't worry, I'll deal with this ! "

So I step up to the blonde haired girl. She had hair that looked like rice balls, and so I knew who she was right away. " Sailor Mo- I mean, Usagi ?! What the hell are you doing in Sinnoh ?! "

Usagi Tsukino, otherwise known as Sailor Moon. She was a girl that was obsessed with bunnies and was the daughter of Queen Serenity. I met her when I was , like, five. She was never my type, though. Drove me f--ing nuts. (_Liked the cat waaaaay better.)_

Of course there had to be some reason why Usagi was crying her eyeballs out. I nudged her. " Hey, Meatball Head. Answer my question. "

She nodded stupidly. " I-I-I got spammed ! Those meanie spammers spammed me ! "

Duh. I slapped her in the face. " Snap out of it, Tsukino ! It's not the end of your life ! You have a child in the future ! " I screamed at her.

She started to bawl again. Blaze looked at me. " What do we do now ? "

I sighed. " Just ignore her. Usagi is just a crybaby. "

We slowly left the scene. It is never a good thing seeing a supposed superhero cry. It's even worse than Quesadilla Day at school. So...we just left.

Five minutes later, we see the retarded assholes, better known as the spammers. We didn't wait a second, and tried to drown them. Chaos provided thunderbolt to shock them. I dumped oil in the water, and ShadowKing used flamethrower to light them up. It burned their faces off. Gross.

And of course, they tried to get away. A fat guy punched them. Unfortunately, one of the spammers swallowed that guy whole.

Then, GoldenEye used magnitude to bury the three spammers deep down into the ground. It worked and they were temporarily buried. SilverUmbra bit one of their pants off and we ended up using it for firewood during dinner _(turns out it makes your food taste like chicken)._

* * *

Day Nine :

We were still in Eterna City. As a group decision, we decided to stay here for one more day before we hitchhiked to the path to Veilstone City. I was still on the hunt for the bastard spammers, but we had to stay at the Pokemon Center to not arouse suspicion.

Nurse Joy. One of the most annoying women in all the regions. I could never decide whether Officer Jenny or her was more of a pest.

But anyway, this Joy was different. She had more of an evil feel to her. For once, she creeped me out. Very, very hairy legs. And...a beard ?! _(What the hell is wrong with Pinky ?!)_

SilverUmbra cleared her throat. " Um, Axletia ? I'm pretty sure this Joy is a dude. "

Chaos piped up. " Unless she's on steroids. "

A thought came to me. Nurse Joy as a very big hairy gorilla-like creature. I shuddered. I tapped Nurse Joy on the shoulder. " Hey, Joy ? Do you take steroids or any other drug ? " I asked her.

It's a rude question, I know. I once asked L from Death Note a very similar questions - if he was smoking pot since he looked like such a ditz twenty hours a day. The results were horrendous, and he ended up cursing at me for ten minutes straight.

Instead, I see something worse. A flash of pink was squiggling like a Wurmple on the floor. It was Nurse Joy, gagged with tape and tied up with rope. Normally, this would be a dream for me. I hate the living crap out of Nurse Joys everywhere _(except for the tanned one and the depressed one near Cycling Road in Sinnoh.)_

But there is one more thing I hate, and that is the spammers, who was standing right in front of me, dressed as an ugly Nurse Joy. It started to drool. I almost set my hand on fire, afraid of any germs or HIV from the stupid Barney. Fortunately, Kat smacked my hand before I lit it up (and chopped it off). I was still in a daze that I actually touched it.

Once again, we were in battle. The two other asses popped out of nowhere. Everyone else was passed out _(since it was, like, two in the morning). _SilverUmbra used a wicked confuse ray on one of the Barneys. Somehow, he started to choke himself. GoldenEye smirked as he showed off an earthquake.(_How original)._ ShadowKing used a pwning fire blast on the second of Barneys. Chaos used discharge. Darky-rai, who had been sleeping pretty much all day, used dark void.

As for Nurse Barney, Kat, Blaze, and I were taking care of the monster. Blaze kept using his Big Bang Buster on it. Kat kept using the Mallet of Doom on it. Me, I went for the old-fashioned way.

_**CHAINSAW' D !**_

That's all I have to say about that. Blood and guts. Revenge for all of us who were spammed. Again. Sorta lame, but at least I was doing something. And we were on our way to Veilstone City.

_(By the way, we left Nurse Joy tied up. Eh.)_

End

_So...any suggestions ? Let me know. --Must destroy spammers' reputation all around--_


	7. Chapter 7

The Story of Spammers

Day Ten :

Ten days. Wow. I had thought I would go crazy without hitting Todd for at least a week. It's weird when you try to break a habit. I kept trying to bite my nails, but it didn't work. For some reason, hurting spammers and keeping Joys tied up kept me busy.

Anyway. All of us were traveling towards Veilstone City. I didn't know why. After all, Team Galactic had their 'business' there, Paul the emo kid with his dorky older brother lived there, not to mention a casino and a depressed thirteen year old that's my age _(Maylene)._

Once again, we met some new people _(and pokemon)._ Five, actually.We met a light brown haired blue-purple eyed lady named Ange with an A.O.I Keyblade in the morning. A Donphan named Kura joined us since the bastards mocked the president. Later on we met a seven foot black and silver robot named Kotor. He had a red triangular mark with a scorpion symbol (pretty pwning if you ask me). Last, but not least, I met two other people. One of them was Kagura, who was living in the Inuyasha world until the problem of the spammers started to exist. And the second person had black hair, emerald green eyes, a black sweater, a green T-shirt, and a black pleated skirt. Her name was Emerald.

So, I'm pretty sure our army was of twelve now. I would have asked Carid, one of my close OCs and Ash's cousin, but I'm pretty sure she was somewhere in Kanto beating up Mary-Sues with Misty._ (I_ _wouldn't know, since I never keep track of her.)_

Our mission today ? Help Near with his chores. Sounded stupid, right ? Well, I kinda had to. Since one of my friends is obsessed with Near and actually had a dream about him...well, ever since, he's been kinda more obsessed with the sugar cubes (_and bowling)._

So... GoldenEye wasn't too happy about this when he had to handle Near's laundry. " Uh, Axletia ? Why do I have to handle this ? " he asked me.

" Um, 'cause you like Kyogre. "

-.- " Fine. "

He snatched a dirty t-shirt from me. All the guys were acting like doing laundry was the hardest thing ever. I think Kotor was pretty pissed off too, but, eh, he's a robot.

On the other hand, Emerald, Kagura, Kura, Ange, Chaos, Darky-rai, Kat, and me were sitting on Near's couch eating sugar. In other words, we were forcing the dudes to do the work.

Near came in, sitting on his chair, crouching like he usually does. He picked up a sugar cube and closely examined it. " Um, you girls didn't switch my cubes with LSD or somethin' like that, did you ? "

I giggled. " Of course we didn't, Nate. "

Near turned red and started to curse. For being a Japanese detective, he wasn't acting like a professional. Neither was I, but I'm young. I have tons of excuses (_like, why I'm procrastinating on my China project for social studies). _Kat tapped me. " Um, why is there someone in the refrigerator ? "

-screams !-

Of course, our fellow three idiots_ (spammers)_ were trying to raid Near's fridge. One of them crammed a half a popsicle in their mouths. The other two crammed a ham in the unmentionables, forever then on unfit for eating.

I let Ange and the other newbies do their beating the crap out of the spammers first. Ange used the awesome and pwning wrath of the A.O.I Keyblade. She transported one of the spammers into the oblivion world - Antarctica, where annoying Cresselia and Milotic lurk the icy iceburgs. Kura used an awesome rollout and used one of the spammers as a bowling ball. Kagura used some sort of sword to chop off a leg. Emerald, who sent out a Rayquaza, allowed it to use a hyper beam. Chaos, for once, used a nonelectrical attack and used ice fang. SilverUmbra used a wicked faint attack. Darky-rai used a pursuit. As for Kat and me, we took a bayonet and peeled one of the spammer's skin off. We burned its body, burned the skin, and threw the head far, far, away _(into Professor Rowan. again.)_

Then, the guys came in. Kotor flamethrowered the last guy, burning his face. Blaze used the honorable Big Bang Buster. ShadowKing used dragon rage _(which, is another term for Rock Lee's_ _Drunken Fist technique)._ GoldenEye used numerous attacks - solarbeam, earthquake, megahorn, and fire blast.

After all that, everyone grinned except for Near. He was like O.o I chuckled nervously. " Uh, sorry, Near, for uh, wrecking your house... "

_**DISAPPEAR x12 !**_

And of course, we had temporarily gotten rid of the spammers (_again)._

End


	8. Chapter 8

The Story of Spammers

Day Eleven :

Still on our way to Veilstone City, we stopped at this guy's house. He was wearing a red T-shirt, and blue jeans. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, and brown glasses. Attached to his pants was a chain whip with various sharp objects welded onto it. This guy was named Chris, and somehow he told us that there were ghosts hanging around his house. And we would have ditched him if he wasn't six and a half feet tall. Oh, well. Life never seems fair in any of the four regions.

Anyway, Ange kept poking me with a pencil. " I don't mean to sound rude. but aren't we supposed to get rid of the spammers ? "

-.- " I know, Ange. This is like, the _eighth_ time you've told me that today. "

ShadowKing embered a marshmallow. " She's told me that thirteen times. So _what_ if I dragon raged that one Officer Jenny ? We already had one case of impersonation. "

Darky-rai looked confused. " Uh, is that even a word ? "

" I have no idea. Isn't that weird ? "

She nodded. Kat came in then, holding up a bag of nachoes. Blaze scratched his head. " Uh, Kat ? Where did you get those nachoes ? " he asked.

" Uh, I traded them from a homeless guy. Gave him a couple of bars of soap. "

O.o " Yeah..."

SilverUmbra licked one of her paws. " Maybe you should have disinfected those things first, " she said, pointing to the cornchip.

Kat quickly dropped the bag. I suddenly started to eat them. Kotor did also, but that was since he had no taste improgrammed in his brain. GoldenEye picked up a chip and threw it at Chaos, who in return, tackled him.

Meanwhile, Kagura, Kura, and Emerald were playing poker. No harm there. Better for them to do that than to see Chaos trying to pwn GoldenEyes's arms.

On the other hand, Chris was acting like a bitch. " Hey, I didn't pay you guys to sit around. I paid you so you can get rid of the ghosties.

I rolled my eyes. What a noob. " Hey, Dude, you never paid us in the first place. "

He waved a hand. " Whatever. "

_-arooooooooooooo!-_

O.o X13 !

" What was that ?! " Kagura asked in a panicked voice.

" Maybe the ghosts are here ! " Chaos added.

Ghosts. This is another issue that is controversial. Personally, I believe in ghosts, but they don't make any noise ; you just smell them. And with all the crap that was going on, I was pretty sure that it could have been something else. So...

* * *

Day Twelve : (12:00 a.m.)

" Okay, which one of us woke us up for some stupid seance ?! " Kura demanded, flinging her snout into Chris's couch.

I walked in wearing my pajamas, yawning. " I did. "

Kat glared at me. " Normally I'll agree with a lot of your methods, but why the hell did you do this ?! "

Emerald swatted a strand of hair away from her eyes. " This sucks. I need my five hours of sleep or I act like a zombie ! "

" Would you all shut the hell up before I get my tazer out ?! " I roared. " I got us all up because we need to see the ghosts ! "

SilverUmbra snickered. " Uh, I don't think GoldenEye is quite up yet, Axletia. "

The Groudon was snoring, his nostrils puffing out small amounts of smoke. I twitched and ShadowKing clawed the pokemon's back. GoldenEye glared at ShadowKing. " Ah, man ! I was having a dream of stomping on Mudkip ! "

T.T " We have more important things to do, GoldenEye. "

Ange brought in a pot of caffeine. " Okay, anybody need a cuppa Joe'. "

Everyone was pretty ticked off.

Except Darky-rai. She was swinging SilverUmbra around, throwing her into some of Chris's vases. " _Wheeeeeee_ ! Let's go to the Candy _Mountaaaain _! "

-.- (Blaze) " Is she high ? "

V.V (Emerald) " I know I'm high. I need my sleep. "

XO (Me) " Would you quit complaining, Emerald ?! "

(Darky-rai) " _WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! "_

(Everyone) " _**SHUT THE F-- UP, DARKY-RAI !! "**_

Kotor finally managed to shut her up via flames. By then, we were somewhat up. Chaos had managed to get over her fear of darkness. ShadowKing and GoldenEye were pried away from each other by a couple of crowbars. And as Chris was watching us warily, I began the seance.

" Okay, we are here in Chris Vengerfinger's house. Come out, evil spirits, wherever you are ! "

I shook a rattle. Nothing. SilverUmbra tapped me. " Maybe you should do it louder, Axletia. "

I was in my pajamas, which looked like a gypsy's outfit. I was already screaming at the top of my lungs. I shook my head. _**" HEY, COME OUT, YOU STUPID RETARDS !**_ " I yelled.

_**" HEY, WHO YA CALLING RETARD, YOU FUGLY MOFO ?! "**_

_**" YEAH, DREW PICKLES F--S EVERYONE ! "**_

We all gasped. That wasn't a ghost. Only one thing managed to do this other than a ghost.

The spammers.

They had food with them, and severe acne. Typical assholes. Everyone was on edge, since we were all half - asleep.

Suddenly, Chris takes out his whip from his pants pocket and jumps onto Darky-rai. He immediately picked out a bazooka and started to fire it. " _YOU KILLED MY PA ! "_ he screeched.

_**BAZOOKA ' D !**_

X.X x3 !

**GULP !**

O.o " What the hell ?! " I trailed off, looking at Darky-rai.

She immediately spat it out, which was a pile of bones. We all were O.o.

Anyway, once again we got rid of the spammers temporarily again.

* * *

(Sandgem Town)

Professor Rowan opened up an envelope and grinned. " Wow. I never get mail ! Maybe it's a subscription form to Entertainment Weekly ! "

He opened it up to reveal a long bill and facefaulted. " Who the hell is Chris Vengerfinger ?! "

The old man went next door. " _**LUCAS, I TOLD YOU TO QUIT SENDING ME MAIL FROM PORN PERVERTS ! "**_

" It wasn't me this time, Professor, " Lucas replied. " That looks like an actual bill from some mortage company. "

Professor Rowan fainted, jaw dropped.

* * *

(Back to Us) - 4 p.m.

" Okay, we'll see you soon, Chris ! " I cried out.

He waved. " Okay ! Bye ! "

As we went forward to Veilstone City, Blaze tapped me. " Hey, Axletia ? Isn't Chris going get a bill soon since he destroyed half of his house. "

" Don't worry, Blaze. I took care of it. "

End


	9. Chapter 9

The Story of Spammers

* * *

Day Thirteen :

Our journey to Veilstone City continues. _(Wow. We've been traveling to this stupid city for about four days now. That sucks.)_

Anyway, we were not expecting what we found on top of a tree reading a book. He had silver spiky hair, and red eyes. He was wearing blue jeans, a blue shirt, blue gloves, and a white waistcoat. He had narrow glasses perched on his nose. And by the way he looks, he looked about seventeen.

While everyone else were splurging on Hamburger Helper, I went over to the tree and kicked it. " Uh, hi. Why are you on top of a tree ? " I asked.

The guy spaced out for a couple of seconds, and then shook himself. " Oh. Sorry. I'm Ganon. I'm half-Latios and half-human. "

" Okay, then... "

I rolled my eyes. He seemed like the type that didn't talk to anyone. He glared at me (probably because he sensed that I was going to say he was emo). And as I started to walk away, he tapped me. " Um, I know it sounds rude, but can I join your anti-spamming community ? "

" Whatever. "

* * *

(12 : 00 p.m.)

Ganon was keeping to himself, fixing some sort of broken laptop. I have to admit, he's an excellent technician. Unfortunately, Emerald and him did _not_ start off well. At all.

" Hey, can I see your laptop thingie ? " Emerald cried, pointing to the black computer.

Ganon shook his head. " Nope. It's off-limits to everyone except me. "

" Oh, come _onnnnn _! That's not fair ! "

" Well, I need this laptop to do my research, and if I let a hyper idiot like you on here, you'll get on MySpace and some forty year old pervert will hack my computer just because you wouldn't go to some damn or-y ! " he hissed.

Emerald grasped a part of the computer into her hands. " Come _**on **_! Give it ! "

" No ! "

" Come on, I won't get on MySpace and talk to Steven ! "

-.- " Go to hell. "

" Fine ! Screw you, then ! " Emerald shrieked, stomping off.

We thought that Emerald would be done with her insistent annoyance, but...she wasn't.

" Rayquaza, go ! " Emerald called out, releasing a Rayquaza.

I swear, Ganon must have jumped back five feet with the sight of the stupid green lizard _(sorry - don't like Rayquaza, either)._ He turned a beet purple. " Get that stupid green lizard thing away from me ! " he shouted.

Emerald sat against the Rayquaza, sighing. " Nope. "

" You suck ! "

" Well, give me the lappy and we can call it even ! "

OO " Is that what the point of you having that thing is about ?! " Ganon demanded. " Fine. I'm going to go fix that junky car up. Keep your damn lizard out, but I'm still not giving you my laptop ! "

He went off and started to fix an SUV, while Emerald started to pout. I never saw anyone with more dedication before. Wow.

We met another person along the way - Mackenzie. She had red hair and red eyes. She wore a outfit similar to that psychopath Maxie of Team Magma. But what was weird was that she also had a hairdo like him. And his picture...well, actually, five.

" Um, do you have a crush on Maxie ? " Emerald asked.

Mackenzie nodded. " Uh - huh ! I even have his version of the Little Red Book ! " she said, showing the book.

O.o " Um, you know that is based on Communism, right ? " Ange pointed on.

" Oh, really ? I thought it was from that Russian guy ! "

" No...that book was by Mao Zedong, from China, " Blaze replied.

" Oh. Is Mao hot like Maxie is ? "

T.T " Mackenzie, Mao has been dead for thirty years now, " I said.

Mackenzie sweatdropped. " Oh. "

Suddenly, GoldenEye started to laugh. " Hahaha ! You like Max - ie ! You like Max - ie ! "

ShadowKing made a flame heart. " Haha ! I bet you have the issues of Pokemon Playpen with him posing in it ! " /

" I do ! He was in Speedos last issue ! "

All of us sweatdropped. " Seriously ? " Kura asked. " That is obsession. "

" Not quite, " Darky-rai said. " I have every single picture of Paul in my room...and on my tattoos...and on YouTube. "

-.- " I stand corrected. "

Okay, so the conversation was pointless. That was why SilverUmbra, Kagura, Kotor, and Chaos were just playing War. Ganon was still fixing the car.

...When suddenly, who should appear but the spammers ? As usual, they slobbered, the freaks. Kotor, who was finally doing something, shoved a rag that had sat in gasoline into one of the spammers' throats. He flamethrowered his throat, and the spammer exploded.

As for the other spammers, Ganon, who finally decided to quit being a recluse (for now) grabbed a Tri-attack Laser and setted it to ice. He iced the other two spammers frozen solid.

Then, Kura rollouted them_ (if that's a word)._ It was pwning.

When that was done we grinned, except Ganon, who started to argue with Emerald about the horrible Rayquazas.

And we finally ventured into Veilstone City. :) _(Yippie.)_

End

_/ - um, it's a reference to Pokemon Telethon. Basically, it's a parody of an erotic magazine (Playboy). _

_Anyway, I will probably add the rest of the OCs in the next chapter, but I will no longer take them (sorry). However, if you want to support and pledge any ammo, money, food... just review ! Still accepting torture methods._

_And, I hope I did the best I can with Ganon (never read any of his stories). _


	10. Chapter 10

The Story of Spammers

Day Fourteen :

Two weeks and we finally reached Veilstone City ! _(feigned applause)._ We found another person - Cj Fang. He had dark brown hair and eyes. He wore baggy blue jeans, and a tan button up collar shirt buttoned up to his chest with a white T-shirt under it. He also had two automatic Glocks with extended magazines and a combat knife, which look pretty wicked to me.

The other person was a twelve year old named Rob Rodriguez. He had short jet black hair. He had brown hair. He was wearing a dark blue t-shirt with the American flag on it, blue jeans, and white tennis shoes. And...he has a crush on Dawn.

" Hey, I bet you want to make out with Dawn in the movies ! " Emerald taunted.

-.- " Very funny. You should be in stand-up, " Rob gruffly replied.

" I know ! I'm so cool and awesome...and I have a radical level of joyness in my heart ! "

"- The f-- is joyness ?! I'm being sarcastic ! "

" Oh...what's sarcastic, again ? "

_- FACEFAULT ! -_

Anyway, Cj was just playing with a Xatu action figure. Ganon was explaining to Mackenzie for the fifth time that he was a real Latios and only morphed when he pleased _(" and to quit touching those pop - up ads on my computer , gotdamn it ! ")._

Meanwhile, ShadowKing and Darky-rai were making fun of GoldenEye's apparent crush on Kyogre. (-.-). Emerald was throwing cupcakes into the air for no reason. Rob and Blaze were trying to see if they could play the enhanced version of Pong on Kotor (O.o). Kat, Chaos, SilverUmbra, Ange, and Kura were eating their hamburgers _(since we were at a Burger King!)._

And Kagura and me... we were seeing Paul act like a stupid Jiraiya.

" Okay ! All the ladies come to my left for a slap on the ass ! " he called out. " All drag queens come to my right for a slap across the face ! All men , fat chicks, and Portuguese whores are not allowed ! "

" Hey, Paul ! " I cried. " Isn't Dawn your girlfriend ?! "

The emo kid stomped his foot. " No ! That stupid whore is not my girlfriend (_yet)_ ! "

_PUNCH !_

_**" WHO YOU CALLING STUPID WHORE ?! "**_

It was Dawn. She had miraculously appeared _(once again, just like a pop - up ad.)_ She punched Paul into a stack of Make Out Paradise books. What a sight ! All of us girls laughed and pointed at Paul as he emo - glared some pokemon _(and ran like a little girl)._

Emerald, being hyper as usual, tugged some of Dawn's hair. " Um, what are you doin' here, Dawn ? Are you going to redeem yourself at a confession booth because you killed Brock with a chainsaw ? "

O.o " Yeah...are you on something ? "

" ...maybe. "

Dawn rolled her eyes and shook my hand. " I just came here since there was a sale at the Department Store ! " she said, holding four bags filled with items for her pokemon and herself.

She skipped merrily until we couldn't see her again. Chaos looked at me. " Wow. That is so weird. "

" Yeah, it is, Chaos. Yeah... "

Anyway, we kept walking until the spammers popped up. As usual, they were drooling like monkeys. Cj knifed one of the assholes. Rob used a Blaziken called Hotshot on another, burning his face.

As for the last one, he escaped into the headquarters...of Team Galactic. -suspense music-

" Ah, sh-t, " GoldenEye muttered.

* * *

Day Fifteen :

Yeah, so we decided to wait a day until we infiltrated Team Galactic Headquarters. _(Stupid remakes_ _of Team Rocket.)_ Thanks to Ganon's technician ability, Kotor had managed to receive an upgrade - the most glorious thing on the face of Sinnoh - the humble Wii. I've only saw one by my friend Carid's emo boyfriend, Floyd Pinterstein. I never saw one in a robot before. So...we started to play Wii Bowling. Sweetest thing ever _(v.v wish I had one)._

Anyway, Ange was painting her toenails. " How are we going to get in the headquarters ? " she asked. " And no more devastating attacks, GoldenEye and Darky - rai. "

(GoldenEye) " Damn it, you're no fun. "

(Darky - rai) V.V " It was only one time ! "

(SilverUmbra) T.T " I'd like to point out that it was five times, Rai ! "

" Ohh... "

" And make sure we do not let ShadowKing near any more Swinub ! " Darky - rai said in a sing - songy voice.

ShadowKing huffed. " Hey ! If GoldenEye can have a psychological fear, why can't I ?! Swinub suck ! "

_(note to self - get a dozen Swinub...)_

Kat cleared her throat. " Can we nu- "

" _**NO NUKING ! "**_ Kura roared.

* * *

(6 : 00 )

" I can't _believe _we just nuked the bottom part of the headquarters, " Rob muttered.

Kotor wiggled a laser. " It was the only way. "

I grinned, but Ganon frowned. " No offense, Axletia, but was throwing Commander Saturn into the paper mache machine really necessary ? "

-.- " Of _course_ it was, Ganon. Now let's go ! "

We all crept into the basement of the headquarters, looking for the stupid spammer. It was dark. Chaos was freaking, sending small sparks to the machines. At least she made some sort of flashlight. Meh. SilverUmbra had excellent eyevision, and Darky-rai, like with the seance, acted just plain weird an' retarded.

" Can we go to Candy Mountain, now ? _Pleeeeeeease ?! "_

XO "_ NO ! "_ all of us yelled.

-pout- " Fine. " -poof!-

Guessing that Darky-rai went on the search for the unexistent Candy Mountain _(and she came_ _back...waaaay later...drunk),_ we continued to look for the retarded spammer.

And sure we find him in the Galactics' pantry, eating some generic type of cornflake. He was slobbering a lot of drool. Next to him was Cyrus, evil unemotional guy and leader of Team Galactic, with clumps of hair in his hand. He made a pleading look at us. " I have been driven mad by this guy for the past two hours. He is the worst man imaginable. "

" Okay, " I said.

_**RIFLED !**_

X.X --spammer...

Cyrus shrieked like a girl and quickly stood on the chair. " Is he dead ? "

GoldenEye punched the dead asshole. " Yeah, he's dead. "

The blue haired man nodded. " Okay...remind me not to kill you guys and skin you for your bodies when I try and obliterate the world. "

O.o " Yeah... "

We slowly left the headquarters _(scarred for life)._

End


	11. Chapter 11

The Story of Spammers

* * *

Day Fifteen :

We decided to stay in Veilstone City for another day. Why ? Things were somehow weird at the casino.

Of course, we didn't go there right away. The annoying tall man that had a Southern accent, otherwise known as Chris Vengerfinger, was playing at the slots. _(And we were all afraid that he might have forgotten taking his happy pills and was now on a horrible, horrible rampage.)_

So, we started to tour around Veilstone City. It was kind of like Pewter City - all gray and square. The department store had those spikes on the sides of the walls. There were gray umbrella tables with red and white umbrellas near some of the restaurants. We didn't see Maylene around her gym _('cause...I think she had the flu or somethin' like that.)_ Her dad was at the casino (_as usual),_ and her mom was somewhere in Saffron pursuing an acting/coordinating career. Paul was not at his house at the time. Instead, we faced an even horrible person.

Paul's overnice annoying older brother _(and crappy trainer/breeder),_ Reiji.

" Hi, Axletia ! Hi, everyone ! It's_ soooo_ nice to see you again ! "

T.T (Emerald) " We don't even know you, noob. "

Reiji scratched his head. " Well, I'm Reiji ! My little emo brother is Paul ! He seems so stupid somet- "

_BITE !_

" Hey, never call my bitch of an emo kid stupid ! " Darky-rai hissed. " He's my lover ! "

O.o " What the f--k are you ?! "

. " Oops. I'm still hung from last night. "

" _**AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH ! "**_

Reiji started to run far away. GoldenEye did a Level Seven magnitude on the annoying person. He fell into the Pit of Doom.

Meanwhile, Ange was badgering Mackenzie over Maxie.

" So...how long have you liked Maxie, Mackenzie ? " Ange asked.

" Since...I was in my ma's tummy. "

" How could you like Maxie since you were a baby ? " SilverUmbra inquired. " Were you psychic ? "

" Not really. My first image was a man with hot red hair and cold, cold eyes. Which...was Maxie ! I was born in Lavaridge Town, just like Maxie ! "

Ange scratched her head. " Really ? "

Mackenzie nodded. " Mm-hm ! I even shook his hand when I got a Torkoal as my starter ! It was sweaty...and smelled like hot corn chips ! "

GoldenEye looked insulted. Me, though, added some more info. " How could you like fire types so much ? The only fire types I like are Torchic, Torkoal, Charizard, and Ninetails ! Water is so much better ! I went to an expo in Dewford Town, where Archie lives. Water is cool - not my favorite type (_which is between water, ice, dragon, and psychic)_ - but it pwns fire ! "

The red headed girl looked utterly insulted. " Water does not pwn fire ! Fire is the best type ! "

" Then...why does Professor Rowan have no fire pokemon ? "

" 'Cause Professor Rowan is a stupid bastard. "

" True. I still think water pokemon are better, though. "

" They are not ! " Mackenzie countered.

" They are too ! "

" They are not ! "

" Too ! "

" Not ! "

Chaos butted in. " Um, electric pokemon pwn all ! I can kick your water pokemon's ass, Axletia ! Since I am a Luxray, after all ! "

-.- " Who asked you, Chaos ? I like Shinx and Luxray, but there's a quote I go by - shut the hell up. "

_**THUNDERSHOCK !**_

She shocked both me and Mackenzie. Cj sweatdropped and turned to ShadowKing. " Uh, does this happen all the time ? "

" Probably. "

* * *

(around 3 : 00 p.m.)

Blaze was fiddling with his capture device. Ganon was trying to watch a auto show on Kotor. Kat, Kagura, Kura, Chaos, and Rob were playing blackjack.

We were at a hotel. Not that crappy hotel south of Veilstone. No, we were in a moderately-priced hotel called the Holiday Inn. Food was free, soap that wasn't meant to be stolen was in the bathroom_ (to steal, of course_). The only bad thing was that our manager of the hotel was...none other than hillbilly racist who seemed to hate all people from the Orange Islands. , Chris Vengerfinger.

" Hey, everyone ! " Chris exclaimed. " I'm so glad you guys heped me out with that person who killed my pa ! I here jus' became the hotel's manager only a couple of days ago ! I never been to the city before ! What are those things with those wheels again ? "

" A car ? ... " SilverUmbra trailed off.

" Oh, yeah ! A car ! I do believe that was the first time I here saw saw a car in muh life ! "

O.o (GoldenEye) " Whoa. That's kinda creepy..."

" And then later I saw one of those phone thingies ! "

Ange gasped. " Whoa ! You really are technoilliterate ! "

Emerald giggled. " Can we start making fun of the stupid guy now ? "

Mackenzie,_ (who somehow became like, her best friend), _shook her head. " I have an idea. Hey, Chris ! Do you have any idea what a television is ? "

Chris shook his head. " Whass a television ? "

All of us started to crack up at that. Nobody - and I mean under the age of four - has not heard of a television. It is like an unknown rule that every person in almost every country has at least heard of a television (_even though they personally do not have one)._ And...well, when you hear of a freakishly tall guy that lives seven miles outside of Veilstone City that has never heard of a television in his life...well, that just made his life sorta worse.

Chaos cackled insanely. " Ha - ha ! You're a noo - oob ! You're a noo - oob ! "

Darky-rai also taunted Chris. " Yeah ! You're just like all those people from...the Renaissance ! "

XO "_** OKAY, JUST FOR THAT, YOUR ROOMS ARE HERE BY DEMOTED ! "**_

**_DEMOTE !_**  
(7 : 00 p.m.)

* * *

" Great. _Thanks_, Rai. You managed to get us in even crappier rooms ! " Rob angrily muttered. " _Thanks a lot_ ! _(I knew we should have taken our chances with Motel 8.) "_

" Hey, how were we supposed to know that Chaos is vengeful ?! " Chaos retorted.

" Hello ? _Vengerfinger ?!_ _Vengeful ?!_ " ShadowKing said. " Get the picture in your head ?! "

Blaze took a bar of soap and pocketed it in his jacket. " So...you sure we can't burn down this hotel, Rosonetis ? "

-.- " Yes. I'm sure. Besides, I have some vague feelings that the spammers are lurking around here, " I said.

Suddenly, Kotor threw our door out of the way (_into Maylene's dad and a hooker, I think)_ , picked up the bed, and tried desperately to hide under it, frantically beeping binary.

O.o " Uh, Kotor ? What the f--k are you trying to do ? I mean...if you were going to do the bed, you could have at least given us a warning, " Blaze stammered.

Kotor immediately started to shoot laser beams all over the place. We had to unplug him and reboot him before he started to act normal again.

" Keep that f--king girl with the emerald green eyes away from me ! She tried to override my CPU with pop - up ads and the corrupt version of MySpace ! " Kotor screeched.

" Who ? Emerald ? " Kagura asked. " Yeah. She's done some weird things before. "

" Like what ? "

" Lik- wait a minute. Who the hell are you ? "

It was a man - an older man. He had pasty white skin and dark black hair. He was wearing a Peter Pan outfit _(including the skintight tights_). He was none other than Diekel Fagson, the man who had a skin condition (_which wasn't why he had such a horrible reputation, though), _and seventeen lawsuits against him for being a perv and checking out every grown - up man ages 17 to 77.

" Hi ! I'm Diekel Fagson, and I want to be a little boy again 'cause I lived in a one - sided box ! I'm sixty years old and Michael Jackson is misunderstood ! I'm the real pervert here ! "

Kura sweatdropped. " How the hell did you get in here ? "

" I helped out some fat acne guy with his schemes in exchange for some free issues of Pokemon Playpen : Yaoi. And some of Tuxedo Mask's hair. "

Emerald came in then and shrieked in delight. " Ohhh ! You sly robot, Kotor ! Wow ! A real life Diekel Fagson ! And he is mine to capture ! " she said, holding up a pokeball in her hand.

Diekel paled even more. " Wait a minute. That wasn't part of the _**deeeeeeeeeal ! "**_

**CAPTURE !**

Emerald did an anime pose. " Sweet ! I caught a Diekel Fagson ! "

O.o (most of us)

T.T (Kotor) " You have f--king stalker issues. Do you have A.D.D. or somethin' like that ? "

-.- " Yes. Yes, I do. "

Ganon gave a small grin. " Yes ! Blaze owes me ten dollars ! "

Blaze threw a ten at Ganon, who went back to read his technician's manual. Obviously none of us were focused on our real mission, so Ange blew a dog - whistle (_our very good taskmaster_). " Hey ! I hear heavy breathing and generic cornchip rustling ! "

Sure enough, one of the spammers faced us. Emerald immediately took her pokeball and released Diekel Fagson from it. " Okay, since the other two retard spammers are wusses, I'm going to let you battle for the first time with this idiot ! "

Diekel panicked. " What are my attacks ? "

" You'll find out...in script format ! "

* * *

Spammer :_ SPAM !_

Emerald : Quick, Diekel Fagson ! Use your yaoi punch !

DF : _**YAOI PUUUUUUNCH !**_

-oof-

Spammer : **BAZOOKA !**

DF : _DISARM !_

**-disarmed!-**

Emerald : Quick ! Use he-she girly screech !

DF : _**EEH - HEE - HEE !**_

Spammer : _**NOOOOOOOOO !**_ X.X

Emerald : __

**w00t !**

Emerald recalled Diekel Fagson back to his pokeball. And as Chris came to check to see what happened, all of us managed to escape via window._ (And of course, we sent Rowan the bill. XD )_

End


	12. Chapter 12

The Story of Spammers

Day Sixteen :

It was rainy, so we were in some sorta tent outside of Veilstone City. There was nothing to do, and everyone was bored, except Chaos, who was trying to make the sky thunder and throw bolts of lightning at us. That failing, she managed to get herself passed out.

Meanwhile, Ange was cooking. She made a batch of brownies and Emerald took one. _(She ended up_ _eating four batches straight . O.o)_ We managed not to go overaddictive with the brownies _(since we switched them with brown painted bricks.)_

After that I decided to suggest something. " Hey, anybody want to throw stones at Mary - Sues ? " I asked.

" Sure, " Mackenzie replied. " Just make sure we don't hurt anyone that looks like Maxie ! "

Ganon shook his head. "_ Ohhh_, no. It's bad enough that you tried to burn me with your stupid turtle thing_ (Torkoal)_ ! And then Emerald tried to drown me in a mud puddle ! I'll stay here and read up on upgrading Kotor's weapons into pointy swords and Sharpedo with laser beams attached to their frickin' heads, thank you very much. " -(reference to Austin Powers)

" Um, Ganon ? " Kotor interrupted. " That species got put on the endangered list in '98, when Dr. Emo tried to get his Sharpedo . We can get pissed off mutated Barboach, though. "

-.- " Dude...no offense, but those things are totally gay. "

" Yeah, they are _sooooo_ gay, " I added. " They're as gay as Diekel Fagson ! "

Diekel Fagson suddenly popped out of Emerald's pokeball. " What's as gay as me ? "

" Mutated Barboach, " SilverUmbra replied.

The gay old guy pouted. " Those things aren't as gay as me ! Now those Jynx, they are total lesbians ! "

Mackenzie scratched her head. " Yeah...who teaches you this bunch of crap about pokemon, Diekel Fagson ? "

" Why, my mentor Juan, of course ! " Diekel replied.

I was confused. " Wait a minute. Juan is younger than you, though. "

Diekel shook his head. " Nope, he's actually a Shinigami that can morph. He doesn't talk about it too much. He said he knew the first league champion of Sinnoh. "

" Oh, who is it ? " Rob asked.

" That one caveman with the funny smell. "

(blank stare)

T.T " Yeah...just go back to your pokeball, druggie, " Emerald muttered, calling back Diekel Fagson.

O.o " Yeah...I'm going to just go and stone some Mary - Sues now, " I said, slowly backing away with Mackenzie and Emerald on my heels. "

* * *

(Two minutes later)

-pitfall!-

-.- " Okay, Mackenzie_**...HOW THE F--K DID YOU MANAGE TO FALL IN ONE OF THOSE GAY PITS ?! "**_ I screamed at the redheaded girl.

" I dunno. Unlike you, I do not watch anime ! "

-gasp- " You nonbeliever ! " ( -_shuuuuuuuun !-)_

Emerald and Darky-rai joined in the shunning. Mackenzie glared at us like we were half - crazy. " What ? What's wrong with only watching CNN political debates all the time ?! "

I threw a stone at her. " It's just wrong, Mackenzie. It's just wrong. "

-" Listen ! Is that a mofo I hear ? "

" It's stupidness is nooby and clear ! "

" Passing from my wind ! "

" Past the NASCAR ! "

" In your ear ! "

-.- ?! - (yeah...wtf ?!) - (Emerald, Mackenzie, Darky - rai, and me.)

" Breaking sh-t at a pickly pace ! "

" Dashing hope and putting Drew Pickles in its place ! "

" My deformed toes by any other chance is just as sweet ! "

" When we ruin reputations and onion rings, your fanfics are obsolete ! "

" Billy Mary-Sue Spammer ! "

" Billy 2 Mary-Sue Spammer ! "

" Uhd, Leslie, now that's a gotdamn name ! "

" When everyone is drunk with our superiority, "

" Team Spammer will make everything worse ! "

" Uhd...line ? "

**_" F--KING THAT'S RIGHT, LESLIE ! "_**

" Oh, yeah ! Light Bright ! "

-crickets-

* * *

(Billy 1) : " Hey, where did those fugly whores go ? "

(Billy 2) : " Gee, Billy, I don't know ! "

(Leslie) : " Wait, I thought _you_ were Billy, Billy ! "

(Billy) : " No, _I'm_ Billy ! "

(Billy 2) : " _I'm_ Billy, too ! "

(Billy) : " Shut the f--k up, Billy ! "

(Billy 2) : XO " _You_ shut the f--k up, Billy ! "

(Leslie) : " Uhd, this is all very confusing ! "

(Both Billys) : "_** SHUT THE F--K UP, BILLY ! " **_

(Leslie) : " I'm not Billy ! I'm Purple, and I have a jar-o'-dirt ! "

(Billy) : " Is purple a fruit ? "

(Leslie) : " Yeah, I think purple is a fruit ! "

(Billy 2) : -.- " Purple isn't a fruit ! It's a shape thingie in the Douchething of Rights ! "

(Leslie) : " Oh, yeah ! So...what is Billy, then ? "

-_**ANVILL' D ! -**_

_**SPLAAAAAT !**_

(Billy) : X.X

(Billy 2) : Silly Anvil ! Billy isn't a cockroach ! He's just a dic- "

**BITE !**

(Billy 2) : XpX

(Leslie) : _**Oh. DAMN YOU, ENGLISH CLAAAAASS ! DAMN YOU TO HEEEEEELL, MOTHERFUC- "**_

**BANG !**

(Leslie) : X.X

We all stood next to the dead spammers. ShadowKing walked up to us and scratched his head. " Um, what the hell ?!... "

I rolled my eyes. " They did the unthinkable. They made the worst Team Rocket motto in the history of their lame mottos. "

Mackenzie shrugged. " Wow. I didn't know that purple was part of our Constitution as a shape thingie. "

O.o " _IT'S A F--KING COLOR ! "_ I hissed.

" Oh. "

Emerald kept poking Leslie with a fly swatter. Darky - rai, meanwhile, picked up a stick and a bag of white puffy marshmallows. " Who wants marshmallows with their spammers ! "

O.o x4.

* * *

Day Seventeen :

The next day GoldenEye was throwing Starly at cars as we walked to our next stop - Sunyshore City. Yeah, I know we should have went to Pastoria City, but, meh. The Lucha Libre gym leader couldn't help us even if we were going to croak, and neither could the ghost psycho or the dead Roark's womanizing father who thought that he invented the question mark. (_another reference to Austin Powers... hehehe)_

So...since Volkner was the only sane gym leader that could help us _(besides Candice)_ , Sunyshore is where we were heading.

Kat was playing with a bush. Blaze kept poking her with a golf club. " Yo, Kat ? Why are you playing with a bush ? "

" 'Cause...I want to. "

" Oh. Okay, then. "

" Wait a minute ! " Kura cried. " Is that one of Kotor's CD disks in that bush ? "

" ...maybe. "

Kagura sweatdropped. " Yeah...are you sure that's a good idea ? "

" Oh, let her do it, " Cj said. " She's not going to get pummeled. She's a girl. "

Emerald suddenly snatched the disk and gave it to her Rayquaza to eat. The green lizard happily whacked his tail and made a tree crash a long way from where we were _(in Sandgem Town...in Professor Rowan's laboratory...) _

Kotor finally came waddling to us. " Um, guys ? You wouldn't happen to see a disk laying around her, would you ? "

Cj nodded. " Yeah. Emerald fed it to that green lizard of hers. "

O.O _**" THAT WAS MY REBOOT SYSTEM , YOU RETARD ! "**_

(Emerald) " Eh. You can get another one from Ganon. "

" I didn't get it from Ganon, though. I got it from Canada, eh. "

Mackenzie giggled. " Sucks to be you, then. "

Kotor started to curse out Emerald and Mackenzie, when he automatically shut off. SilverUmbra sweatdropped. " Crap. He got booted. "

Ganon, holding a wrench and a cord, nodded. " I'm on it. "

He plugged Kotor to a vacuum cleaner. The robot immediately woke up and lasered the bush where Kat was so fascinated in. She glared at him, and he shrugged. " Sorry. Technical difficulties. "

Anyway, after that we were sitting around when who should appear but the spammers. And since we were too tired today, we allowed Kotor to disintegrate them into oblivion. Afterwards, we threw Ange's brownies at them. _(Which, she was pretty pissed off, but...eh.)_

End

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

The Story of Spammers

Day Eighteen :

On our way to Sunyshore City, it began to begin weird. As I was listening to Namie Amuro, black pieces of coal began pouring down from the sky. The air became gray and smoky. And Luxio zapped nearby Shellos and Gastrodon. It was a pretty gruesome sight.

Ange turned to Chaos. " Um, Chaos ? Do you have any idea why the Luxio are acting like this ? "

Chaos shook her head. " No. I can check, though. " She turned to the angered Luxio. " Hey, guys ! Any ideas why you're acting like such pissants ? "

They turned to her, as angry as a starving Houndoom. Chaos sweatdropped. " Freezing priest, I didn't mean it that way ! "

SilverUmbra nudged her. " Um...I think this is the part where we start running. "

" I'm way ahead of you ! " GoldenEye said, already fifty feet from the scene.

Emerald giggled. " Wow. The ground type thingie is 'fraid of a bunch of electric types. "

"_ I AM NOT ! "_ GoldenEye roared, stomping his foot. " I'm _immune ! "_

The green eyed girl rolled her eyes. " Oh, please ! You act like a girl when you run away ! If you were any sort of Groudon, you would be hurting electric types. I think you're a phony ! Hey - I think you're a shape - shifting Bibarel ! "

GoldenEye twitched. **_" I AM NOT A BIBAREEEEEEEL ! "_**

**PUNCH !**

He punched a Luxio into an oak tree. As more Luxio crept closer towards him, GoldenEye pwned all of them with a Level 10 Magnitude. He was about to do a guillotine, but...

" Are you f--king nuts ?! " Mackenzie demanded. " You'll kill us all ! "

" Especially me ! " Chaos added.

" Well, what the hell am I supposed to do ?! " GoldenEye replied testily, picking at a Luxio. " You know very damn well I can't throw them all in a pit - that's been outlawed since '05. "

ShadowKing shrugged. " It's only illegal if you're caught. I've buried a whole bunch of Swinub last year. Like, seventy - five. Stupid ice pokemon. What have_ they_ ever done for the economy ?! "

Kat shook her head. " I say we nu- "

" For the last time, Kat._ NO NUKING ! "_ Ganon hissed.

" Ohh...you never let me have any fun. "

I picked up a Luxio with rubber gloves and shook it. " Okay, you stupid electric thing. You have five seconds to talk or I will hurt you with the power of MSG, capische ? "

It nodded and started talking in a squeaky voice. " Ca - ca - yes. Pl-please don't hurt me ! _I WANNA_ _BE A J - POP STAR WHEN I'M OLDER ! "_

" Really ? " Cj asked.

The Luxio looked at another of its kind. " That's Kathy. She's married. She's fat and gets various jobs because she's not married. _Sorosoro majimeni kekkon no koto kangaenai to na_.(translation - I_ should start thinking seriously about marriage.)_ I still want to be a J-pop artist, though. "

" Get to the point ! " Blaze exclaimed. " Why are you attacking us and water pokemon ? "

Kura added. " And we want the truth ! "

The Luxio nodded. " Okay, okay. I'm Ecstasy (_not the drug,btw!)_ Lately we've been close to the Shellos and Gastrodon. Until a week ago, we've been like Kanto and Sinnoh. But then, these stuck - up Electivire started to taunt us. It was only three of them, but still..."

" Three ? " Darky-rai repeated. " Are Electivire usually in packs ? "

Rob shrugged. " I have no idea. Aren't you supposed to be an all - knowing legendary ? "

" _Noooooo..._that's only Giratina. And Arceus. And Mew_ (when she's not drunk)._ Doesn't anyone have a pokedex ? "

Kagura nodded. " Yeah. I have a green one ! " she said, picking up her pokedex from her pocket.

The pokedex stirred. " I thought I told you to _GO TO HELL_ the last time I saw your fugly face, you whore ! "

-flips off! - (beep-beep- OFF-)

Kagura threw her pokedex in the river. " Stupid thing. Last time I get anything from K-Mart. "

" Ahem ! "

We all turned around. Emerald's pokemon Diekel Fagson had popped out of his pokeball. His made a pose and grinned. " It may be that Elekid and Electabuzz both travel in packs, usually for alpha - male privileges, but Electivire always seem to travel alone. _(Probably because of their pervertedness, but I'm not one to talk.)_ So...I'd guess that these yellow bandits are phonies. "

" Seriously ? " Ecstasy asked.

Diekel nodded. " Of course. I'm not really a pokemon, you know - I'm a guy that is held captive against his will because a crazy lady wanted me _(for my total hotness.) _"

" Go back to your pokeball, Diekel, " Emerald coolly replied, her left eye twitching.

Ecstasy licked her paw. " So...are they foreign Diglett ? "

Kura shook her head. " No sign of ground pokemon anywhere around here. Otherwise the whole place would be torn up from here to Sunyshore. "

Ange raised a finger. " Okay, I know it sounds Farfetch'd (_lame pun), _but I think I know who's the Electivire. It's - "

" Yeah, we know. The spammers, " I butted in.

" Kat...get the nuke machine , " ShadowKing loudly whispered.

_**" NO F--KING NUKING ! "**_  
(10 : 00 p.m.)

* * *

" So...how are we going to catch these guys again ? " Ganon asked. " I _do_ have a wrench with a few lasers fused in it... "

" Aren't you supposed to be the quiet serious nerd ? " Emerald asked.

-.- " Oh, yeah. I do believe I have a portable doom machine in my backpack. It's not programmed yet, but with one push of a cheesy one dollar remote, I can turn anything into ash. "

" Really ? " Emerald inquired. " I've always wanted an Ash Ketchum, too ! He's retarded _and_ smells of ginger ale ! "

O.o " ...what the f--k is wrong with you ?! "

Ange stepped in between them. " I do believe we need to do something here. Or Ecstasy is going to unleash her electrical powers _(again). _"

Emerald pouted. " Fine. I guess I'll capture an Ash Ketchum when I have free time. "

The stars were already lit up. Darky - rai finally woke up, hitting GoldenEye with a rubber chicken _(yeah...I'm scarred for life)_ . SilverUmbra pawed the ground, looking for any objects to sell on the black market _(coughs - eBay)._ We were all bored and the stupid Electivire had still not shown up yet. Chaos was doing some sort of electric ritual with Ecstasy and all the other Luxio, when...

_**" ELECTIVIRE PWN ! "**_

_**" DREW PICKLES F--KS HIMSELF ! "**_

_**" I LIKE GOTHS, AND THE LOG SUCKS ! "**_

The spammers. How predictable.

" You know what ? " I said, turning to Ganon. "Just use your doom machine. "

" Gladly. "

**_d-d-d-DOOM MACHINEEEEE !_**

(spammers) : X.X

The trees also turned to ash. Ganon scratched his head. " What ? I never said that I _perfected_ the machine. "

-.- " Fine. "

Ecstasy thanked us and then we left. Unfortunately, we saw something horrible as we saw the sign of Sunyshore City.

" closed due to blackout caused by Volkner's fiddlin' "

_**" DAMN YOU, FOURTH HOKAGE LOOK- A -LIKEEEEEE !! "**_

End


End file.
